We found out we were pregnant with our first, Deacon, only 18 months after getting married. It was a total surprise, but I was okay with it because we had gotten married when I was in my late 20s and I felt ready to start a family. My husband, Michael, is 2.5 years younger than me and would have liked more time until we got to that chapter of our lives; but, he quickly settled into the reality that this was happening!
About 5 weeks into my pregnancy I was walking around at work feeling crampy all day, and just felt like something wasn’t quite right. When I went to the bathroom, I discovered I was bleeding pretty heavily. I was scared out of my mind. The bleeding continued throughout the day, and I faced the reality that this pregnancy may not come to fruition. As I prayed that the Lord’s will would be to allow this pregnancy, I also asked for peace if He didn’t. It was a difficult prayer to pray, but I believe in a God who gives purpose to all events, even ones that I can’t fully understand.
After calling some girlfriends who had experienced miscarriages to ask for advice about my symptoms, one friend urged me to call my OB. My doctor told me to go straight to the ER. It was there that Michael and I found out that the baby was still alive with a strong heart beat, but that I had a subchorionic hematoma. They told me to go home, rest, and see my OB immediately. All of a sudden there was something new to pray for, but I was so grateful the baby was okay.
At the next appointment, they walked through the ultrasound with me and told me the tear was significant and I would need to see a specialist until it either resolved or I lost the baby. Chances were 50/50. One week later we went to the specialist. At the ultrasound, the doctor was quiet and seemed to make many “Hmm” sounds, which we couldn’t read as good or bad. It was so frustrating! Eventually he looked at us and said, “Well, I’ve never seen this before. Your tear is completely resolved. This normally doesn’t happen in this short amount of time. You must be lucky.”
We knew in that moment that we weren’t just “lucky”. There was no doubt in our minds that God had blessed us with a miracle. I was on bed rest until 12 weeks, and 6 months later our healthy boy was born.
I know that our story could have just as easily ended with sadness. But, I believe no matter what the outcome, God can bring purpose to our journeys. I have so many friends who have suffered miscarriages, still births, health complications with either the baby while pregnant or with their own bodies. The truth is, no one knows why the Lord chooses to heal one baby or mother and not another.
There is so much anxiety that comes with motherhood from the moment you see that plus sign on the pregnancy test, and nothing has intensified my faith more than becoming a parent. I don’t take those scary moments for granted. Holding Deacon today, I’m still reminded of the mercy God had on me in that moment. When I look at my son, I know I’m more than lucky.
-By a Grateful Mama in California
*Names have been changed for confidentiality